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Scripture
Practices

Members of the Cult of the Rabid Petunias follow the following
practices, which shall be described hereafter in greater detail:
the Ten Commarkments, the keeping of the Tuneday, the Days of
Unrequited Faith, the tithe, and the Offering.

Ten Commarkments?
  • Thou shalt worship no Divine except that of Einbana and
    those She bestows gifts upon.
  • Thou shalt not use Her name excessively or thou shalt
    feel the wrath of Her mighty smiting banana.
  • Thou shalt know Tuneday (or Tuesday on the Western
    world's calendars) and keep it holy.
  • Thou shalt honour thy parents, as thou wouldst not be
    here at this Cult had they not been such terrible child-raisers.
  • Thou shalt not kill -- merely convert thine enemies, so
    that they might see the light of Her Divinity.
  • Thou shalt not commit adultery amoungst crackers,
    especially Saltines, for they do not matter.
  • Thou shalt not lie but leave perfidy instead up to
    those Christians who do not practice what they preach.
  • Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor, but convert him
    instead.
  • Thou shalt not question Her Mighty Messengers, for
    She has sent them to thou for a good and mysterious reason.
  • Thou shalt not pluck the Holy Plant without express
    written permission from an official with the rank of DI
    or higher.

The Keeping of Tuneday: Every Tuneday, we eat only out of
the three food groups of bread, meat, and sugar to keep our
bodies pure. We harmonise with the Earth and our local
chapter of CotRP, and before resting our weary selves for the
night, we say the Prayers of Commitment (found in Holy Words).

The Days of Unrequited Faith: Each member is required a unique
offering of themselves on each of the Days of Unrequited Faith.
Of these, there are 4, the number that cares. They are as
follows: February 24, March 12, April 29, and May 25.

The Tithe: On the first day of the Divine Year, August 26, each
member is required to pay a tithe consisting of 0% of their sum
earnings minus federal tax from the previous year, with a late
interest fee of 500%.

The Offering: On the Deliverance Day (June the 4th on conventional
calendars), the Day that Einbana Appeared to the World, we shall
gather up Offerings so that we may please her, and bring them to
her Sacred Ground at the Temple of the High School of Saints and Demons.
On this day we shall also wear the official CotRP t-shirts.

 

 

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